Sense Dance

久而久之

2012-01-17T22:38:00.000-08:00

久

好久，

好久没有家的感觉了，也许是很久家人不在身旁吧；

喜欢的是家里的室温；

喜欢的是家里天花板的排形。

好久没看过电视了，因为手提电脑已变了自己的私人平面电视机了；

没广告的中断；

没以前追影剧下集的期待。

好久没有躺在陪自己一起发梦的床头了；

想念的是枕头上跳蚤仔；

想念的是窗口早晨十点被晒到热热的屁股。

好久没回来这片土地了；

驾车也忘了闪开门前路口的深洞；

家前的芒果树结果了。

好久没看到岁月的知己了；

耳后不时会听到朋友在向我打招呼；

眼角不时会看到同伴的影子。

久而久之，

我们啊～都在用时间换取美丽的思念。

看来，这“久”已快到期了，因为相聚的日子快到了，

仿佛像变成时光机把所有在思念的我们时光倒流回去同年的快乐。

久也可以很美丽很快乐！

这就是“久”

对◦错

2012-01-12T06:14:00.000-08:00

“我也是为了我最爱，这样有错吗？”

当他在我面前跪下举起了白旗，卸下了眼泪，

往向他我五指紧扣着的枪头慢慢从他左胸口慢慢的移往地上了。

我真的没办法判他死刑～

充满汗腥与破烂的制服沾上了血迹。我也是一位为家园克敌的战士。

生锈的空子弹壳躺在湿泥盘上。我和他一样想保护国土。

远方坦克车发射的弹炮回音重重。如果没有战争有该多美好啊。

没星星的夜空也依然这么的亮。我们每一刻都想回家。

余烬中的国旗慢慢的被火焰燃毁。家园前的大树开的果实。

燃烧的弹药与尸体腐臭的恶心。妻子，儿子漂亮的脸孔。

“砰！！”

就这样他眼睁睁的往向我面前倒在土地上了。我心里的原谅还没让他知道他就...

“喂，干嘛不开枪啊？！如果不吧这般畜生全杀了，搞不好下个被杀的就是你！投降也不放过！”

他也是一位为家园克敌的战士。

我和他一样想保护国土。

我们每一刻都想回家。

他也有妻子，儿子。

他也是为了他最爱，这样有错吗？

Coastal 1

2012-01-10T02:21:00.000-08:00

Sense Dance

2012-01-07T05:41:00.000-08:00

A lovely news from the author of Mirage Expectation - Neil Cheong

Hey there, I would love to introduce Sense Dance to All Beloved Followers & Audience. Mirage Expectation had just celebrated it's 2000 page visits with only 28 post in 36 months. Ain't just that, Mirage Expectation was log in from Malaysia and Germany. And I believed that moving to Sense Dance will be another record breaking blog soon.

I would say that Sense Dance isn't here to replace Mirage Expectation. Sense Dance will do most of the post that are more 'Me' in it instead of 'I' that was previously driven Mirage Expectation to reach a ground breaking record.

'Sense Dance' came along by an inspiration and this time I would include more 'Me' in the post I'll publish which make it more personalized which describes what am I encountering in my life time by time. Certain to promise, I will double or even triple up the number of post that previously Mirage Expectation did. Post will be publish in an extra language-Mandarin to widen up the varieties of languages. Hope this will give you extra viewing and reading pleasure.

A new template by Sense Dance powered by Google also offered Facebook and Twitter features.

Thanks for dancing in! Stay tuned!

Neil Cheong

Sense Dance 'a little better than dancing'

Coffee Tale

2011-01-07T05:49:00.000-08:00

For the front-desk, it just another office companion to paper works, staplers, phone calls.
During late cold nights, it is the pal for them who rushes for ideas, inspiration and assignments.

For the folks, it will be the topic on the kopitiam table where simple synthetic rubber sanders were the only precious thing they worn.

Flipping newspaper with massive local head titles plus a sip of the charcoal brown freshly brewed coffee is the blood that drives the passion for the old ones day to day.

Circular ring liked chocolate stain on the round marble table marks the kopitiam's prosperity at the end of the busy day.

Stirling gave birth to the clinking sounds of the teaspoons on the wall of the thick porcelain cups may not be the most harmony sound heard at the early morning but drinkers find it delightful and compulsory when comes to each sip that they demand to be as perfectly even as the last sip they had before.

Grounded sugar and condensed milk are ones of the most common companion to the cup of coffee for those who can't stand the strong bitter aftertaste without compromises the aroma and the body.

One of Everything

2010-11-12T05:30:00.000-08:00

A match for a wish?

A Dollar for an American dream?

and a cent for my dear Queen Elizabeth?

how about my Satu sen?

for McDonald Children Charity?

How Are You Recently? (Health)

2010-10-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

Turning point?
i wouldn't say that now maybe after the ultrasonic scan, report comes out and see how we can deal with the problem.

Anxious?
it is definitely something new to me. especially, the feel of the cold slippery scanner tracing around my neck instead of my belly like those moms in the delivery department.

Tired? Any expectation?
tired no. sometimes, we with 'gifts' will depressed over time to time but it has made us stronger day by day and it is no longer is a burden to us. It is part of us. It defines who we are. I am quite optimist and calm about what will be turning out next. It is just another leap of life. just like another street you going to cross over. Remember to look back what's all behind and just look to the left and right before you cross, just that easy.

Feels different?
good question! but i don't have answers for that cause i am being living my life not yours right? i will rather put it like this. my life is a great journey gone a superb experience even thou it is still kind of young to say so. Skipping lessons and periods, walking in and out the school without any official letters and don't even bother about the school guard and teachers. Cool i would say. but during the 'climax' when i was 10, i have an average of 3-4 nightmares in a week. Most of those night i woke up with tears and the whole family around me. Having sleeping problem is the most difficult for me.

A Bus Journey For A Lifetime

2010-10-01T18:33:00.000-07:00

Looking time passes like the sound of childhood laughter.
Couple of Months I will be 20.

What if me life ends here?
What should I include in the credit?
Some thankyou's to my friends and family?
That's all?

What have I achieve for the pass 2 decades?
If there were pawn shops which offer time, I would be one of the first customers.

"How much will it cost, Sir?"
"Well son, not much. Just a bus trip form the station near your school to the main street close to your house. " he answered.

It costs 3ringgit to have myself to reach there if I take bus 17 and the journey takes 45minutes.
Whereas for bus 8, it cost only one and half ringgit to do so but it takes at least 2.5hours.

"So boy, 105minutes for one and half ringgit?"

"Deal?" he followed.

The Simple

2010-10-01T18:30:00.000-07:00

She believes everything;

Doubts is the only single thing she don't understand:

The world is peaceful and as beautiful as it could be;

Not more neither the less;

Nothing but perfect and flawless;

As happy as she can get!

Void

2010-10-01T18:28:00.001-07:00

Dimensions.

Spaces.

Times.

Vacuums.

Void.

Timeless.

Only memories.

Blue

2010-10-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

It feels like everything is crumbling down in front of you,
False hope and excuses given to yourself to make yourself stronger in battle,
Marching across the grass fields with vest of courage, thinking that it will keep yourself from dying,
But not.

Seeds and grains from the tip of the grass trying their best to resist you moving ahead,
Just like Velcros sticks on the white you you wore when you were in primary.

Is it my pupils are shrinking? Or is it my glasses should be replaced?
Colour of life I had before no longer I see.

Blue.

My Dear, It’s Just a Dream..

2010-09-08T19:25:00.001-07:00

“how was prince charming looked like?”

you.

Mercenary

2010-09-08T19:17:00.001-07:00

“i live and work only for one reason, for one reason only…to work and to fight for others..”

How about you?

Let’s rewind back

2010-01-27T01:04:00.001-08:00

Dutsun by Dason Loi

Click on the photos and i will tell you more.

Photographed by Neil Cheong

‘Dutsun’ is contributed by Danson

Accompanied and Lead by Hadi, Syahir and Danson

This time I really forgotten myself.

2010-01-10T23:50:00.001-08:00

The last appointment was a year before.

I ask the doctor when i can be a normal person.

I guess I am very desperate to be one. Walk like a normal one. I really hope that I will never go back there to breath sterilized air.

Whenever I walk through the parking lot, the lobby and to the pediatric clinic they always remain me how long I’ve been there. From manual name calling by the nurse to electronic number display.

Time past by. Its been 13years from the day I diagnosed hyperthyroidism.

I thought it would be another good starting day for me and it always has been. I am expecting this is the last visit I am making. I remember the most frequent appointment to the hospital is once a month and things goes very well. One month to 3 months a time, half a year and once a year.

The TSH and the T4 reading seems very optimistic to me. Both of them lies between the optimum range stated beside them. I ask the doctor so this is good right? She answered yes.

I was very excited and happy.

Doctor went out and have another report in her hand. She show another result of the other substance that is also one of the things that responsible for my sickness.

Anti thyro globulin antibody and the other antibody printed on the report. The readings are extremely high. 4 to 5 times exceeding the normal range i have and it is not stated the exact value. Just <1000 IV/mm. The value is insane!

I ask her is that normal. She said they will monitor me. And the reading was same as the first time i came in the hospital. But its been 13 years! i told myself. I cant believe that through this year there is no change in that value!

I cant believe that what i have been doing this 13 years. She just said that the next appointment will be 3 months later. And that is totally not a good news for me.

On the way home, i start to wonder why things will be so. I thought i am happy and healthy all the time. But this is not the truth.

I think back. Whenever i had a birthday i just wish for things that satisfied my needs and the glamour i get from people surrounding me.

I totally regret for what i have been wishing for the last 12 years.

Now i really wish for a healthy body. Life can’t go on without a healthy body. And this disorder is lethal and I always aware of that but I just keep fooling around. I found out that this time i really forgotten MYSELF.

* Thank God Is Today. Thank everyday I can still wake up and go to school. What i really want to convey to all of the mankind and the people i know and the love ones is do appreciate what is with you and what you have. You really never know when is your last breathe will be. Take care of yourself and your heart. It is always not too late to make a turn in your life and that is the moment you start to appreciate your life!

Best Of 2009

2010-01-01T21:57:00.001-08:00

Greetings bloggers and readers,

Happy New Year. I have a great enjoyable 2009 and proudly welcome the begun of 2010. So, to have a better understanding of all beloved readers’ and bloggers’ preference to my post in 2009. I would like to do a simple and short survey.

To participate in the survey just follow the according 4 simple and time-saving steps.

1. Directly post a comment underneath this post (Best of 2009).

2. State out which is the 1 best blog post that i have published in year 2009 and what is the reason you pick them.

3. After comment. You can vote your poll above this post.

4. I am totally glad and honored to accept extra suggestion for my future blog construction and post publishing.

The survey will last for 1 month starting from 2nd of January 2010 and ended on the 2nd of February 2010.

All new readers and pass-byers are allow to participate too.

Thank you for supporting The Mirage Expectation. Wish you all the best in 2010 and enjoy blogging.

Neil Cheong Kai Shiang

Facebook/MSN/E-mail: ks_cheong03@yahoo.com

Nostalgia

2009-12-29T08:49:00.001-08:00

It is heavy…

It is dark and sad…

All of it is in my head…

I open my eyes again

I am walking with the rhythm of steps

I stood where they queued

Fancy laptops, featured cell phones, and colorful headphones.

The minute hand aligned with the second hand.

I heard yawning

Deep breathes, blocked noses and some dry cough

Nevertheless, flipping papers and beat of over tuned headphones

The effect of inertia has made the water in the transparent bottle oscillates back and forth. The light rays reflected is just like a display of light performance on the ceiling.

After a long honk, the compartment decelerates, people try to hold firm to the handles. Those who are in sleep slide their head along the window. Undried wax from their hair brush the glass like a stream of coating.

The mist from the hills disappears as the shadow shorten. The rail remains parallel to the motion I am heading to.

Silhouette of faces I can see. Vapor from his breath condense on the screen.

I have a peek out the window again. Things who are near you moving very fast. Objects who are far seems like just following you all the way.That reminds me when i was a kid, i love to stare out from dad’s car window while he is driving. I notice the moon and the stars will always follow where I go. She will bring the light to me whenever I go. But the lane markings on the road will just be varnish in a matter of seconds.

As soon as i have this thought.I touch my left trouser’s pocket. No. There is no vibration. I still have it in my mind.

The dawn ends rapidly. There is still no empty seats for me. I am travelling to the west. Far from where i stay.

I just want to escape from civilization.

I just want to escape from time.

I just want clean air like i never had before.

Let me check. Is it i am having a nose blocked? No. Daydream? No. Fever? Definitely no.

Okay, let’s try this.

I hold my breath. My first thought it was easy. The old women looked at me. Wrinkles starting to form at her forehead. Noticing my chest is not rising as it should. My face expression start to tell others I am doing so but it should be a secret between me and my cheek. I don’t care at all.

The compartment shook…

A sudden break follow by a long honk.

It was a puppy with a short coffee brown tail crossing the rail.

Oops! Where am I just now?

Oh ya!

I exhaled…

I laugh to myself. Realizing that it is difficult to escape from reality by that.

But still…

My brain just keep rewinding back to the past. It makes me nervous and anxious.

But i still have to move on to life. There are plenty of things i haven’t finish before i have that chance again. There are roads i haven’t walk. Faces i haven’t met. Things that i haven’t see.

I can’t live with my past.

I got to let it go.

It had became a history. I don’t have that power to change it. Even though I have that power. Is it waste of time if i change it?

I will definitely be very regret and sorry to myself if i waste my time on that.

I made my choice!

I made my decision!

let my heart stop…

and restart again.

The train stops. I have reached my destination. This is a new me. I continued my steps…

Violent Weather

2009-12-15T19:54:00.001-08:00

Photographed by: Neil Cheong

Ages

2009-12-13T19:31:00.001-08:00

Memories of

Childhoods,

Teenage,

Love,

Poverty,

War,

Civilizations,

and Independence.

These Days

2009-11-10T09:47:00.001-08:00

Depressed.

Just like the key of those music notes on the scripts.

Sad.

No one speaks the same language as me.

Alone.

I tried to reach out but no one is there.

Unshared.

Just like the way I listen to songs with my iPod.

Shout.

To catch somebody’s attention.

Tell.

Shhh..I have a secret to tell you.

Fun.

The moment we get together.

Worth.

When time flies faster than the speed of light when I laugh.

Far.

No matter how far is my dream but it’s just a step further from where I am now.

Listen.

I have 2 ears. One for myself and another is for you.

Sacrifice.

For the things I love the most.

Accompany.

You don’t walk alone. I am here.

Calm.

I am wise to think.

Decisions

Are those I want the most.

Stand.

Whenever I fall.

Breathe.

Tell myself to appreciate every breath and moment I have.

Happy.

On my birthday.

Taste.

The sweetness of bitter.

Cry.

I am pity of myself for being sad.

Story.

Tell me about it.

Unlimited

Jokes that I got.

5…4…3…2…

The key of the notes comes to its climax.

Still there are people to listen what I am talking.

Let’s plug my iPod to stereo speaker.

There is always people who cares for me.

And my story continues…:-)

specially dedicated to my beloved sister : Noryn Cheong

Here in My Home

2009-09-05T07:37:00.001-07:00

It’s not Sydney.

It’s not France.

It’s not Saudi Arabia.

It’s not United States of America.

and it’s not Tokyo.

But where is it all from?

Hey, stop looking out there. Everything is just around you.

Love.

Care.

Happiness.

Harmony.

Here in my home.

Malaysia.

Photographed, written and edited by Neil Cheong Kai Shiang with full patriotism.

In conjunction of,

Malaysia 52nd Independence Day

1 Malaysia

Pangkor-You

2009-07-10T23:07:00.001-07:00

Freedom

Harmony

Culture

People’s

Living

Symbol and echoes

Honks

“Let me bring the world closer to you and feel the way I feel”

Hammer & Nail

2009-07-03T22:42:00.001-07:00

Travel all alone

To a unexpected place

Thought we can be confront

Joy

Pleasure

Strangers

Together.

Unexpected do happen without our conscience

Tiers and..

Heart breaking..

Sometimes..

Miracles

And love too.

My task is just complete people’s task

I born from people’s will

Never expecting I would found you anyway

You look bright

Brave

but

Alone.

I saw you

Can’t even stand still

Lying on the ground breathless

only circles around on the same spot.

I tell myself i will bring you out of here

And bring the world closer to you.

After a rain

You’re seriously sick

I can't wait

I did what I'm capable of

Bring the world to you.

“Encik, Kepong Sentral satu.”

2009-05-04T23:28:00.001-07:00

Guess it all ends here.

That’s all I wanted to share,

what I learned, what I feel, what I see, what I am in.

Its time I continue my pursuit for knowledge and facts back in school.

Last few months i woke up,

asking myself is it worth to throw down my job and get myself into the stage performance for God’s sake.

3.10 ringgit Malaysia is the absolute amount to the central Kepong train station.

Holding it between my index finger and my thumb. I tell myself i made an important choice in my life.

Walking underneath the fly-over, I felt I am so right this time.

Till today, I am proud of the choice I made.

Looking at the photos and I am satisfied who and what I am today.

“Terima kasih, Encik. Jumpa lagi, besok”

Me Today

2009-05-04T00:17:00.001-07:00

Take a breathe.

Making sure that I am really out from my dream,

Pull of the blue curtain that have several holes allowing light ray penetrate through it,

Looking out from the bus window,

Oil palm trees,

Slanted telephone poles,

Bended cable make up waves of motion.

“Bergerak ke kiri, dalam satu barisan, ke kiri pusing!”

Fear that I will lost my sound again,

And another one comes out from my throat,

“Bergerak ke kanan, dalam satu barisan, ke belakang pusing”

Without any lag, I twist my leg and change my direction.

Both of my hands start to shiver again, not because of the morning chill but the panic I am in.

Sweat in my palms squeezing out from the pores.

I can see her face, just like as real as she is standing there and giving me all the support I need.

Long and deep breathe start to come in,

‘shmm……harr…shmm…harr……’ my right cheek make a unnoticeable lift, pulling one side of my lips up.

I am happy what I am today.

Another synchronized formation is complete, still…her mirage is there.

I start to worry I my suffer hyperventilation cause I never pause breathing that way.

4 seconds to inhale and exhale out the air I took in. This seems to be helping me a lot more.

“Kumpulan AAA, bersurai”

We march towards her direction. She smile to me and disappear.

I bend my head down and smile to myself while exhaling.

Disappointed of the result we got for the Foot Drill and Uniform Checking.

Looking at the bronze little plastic trophy we obtain…

“For the Ambulance Adult category, this year Short Case gold goes to…”

There is us and AAD left for the gold.

I hold on to my member’s hand and whisper to myself, “AAA…AAA…AAA”

Crossing finger on another side…

“AAA!”

“Yes!!” I shout with joy.

She has driving me through this tough week.

I know I will not be here on the stage to grab this overall category winner without everyone of the team, trainers, officers, NCOs, members who unable to join the competition and…

Her.

Special Thanks to

Tan Rong Heng, Hon Jia Jie, Leong Kim How, James Chan

Be loved

2009-04-22T01:27:00.000-07:00

Man found love;

Love found man,

Man live with love;

Man dies with love;

Love live with man;

Love dies with man,

Man kills because of love,

Love kills man because of not obeying the law of love,

Man generates love;

Love generates man.

i found you, Love.

yes, you do.

i am living with you, Love.

and i am staying with you.

i am happy because you, Love.

no, you are happy because you have me.

i am sad, Love.

why?

i lost her love, Love.

no, you didn't. You lose me.

you? Love.

yes.Me.

but how?

because you don't believe me. Remember how you found me? It's actually the same way as you lose me. The only difference is the belief in between us.

i feel lonely. I felt doom.

don't scare. I am still around you. Still remember what's the feeling you found me?

of course. Forever i wouldn't forget that moment. It's a rush of energy and power full of spirit that drive me till today.

yes.

i can still feel the warm blood surging all over my body. Every heart beat is a bless. And I am not
lonely and thousand times lighter than feather...

hey, hey, look at me. You found me again.

Yes, Love. I finally understand. Thank you, Love.

be loved.

Heavenly Beautiful

2009-04-05T22:05:00.000-07:00

Pigeons,
Bell rungs,
Dark clouds,
Aroma of jasmine,

Tears of sins,
Cries of hope,
Beam of lights,

Prayers for God,
Pleasant heartbeat,
Confession of sins,
Whispering of Fathers,

Miracles,
Blessings,
Heavenly beautiful.

Photographed by Neil Cheong
Modelled by Lee Yang

Teen Ages

2009-04-05T04:39:00.000-07:00

I used to pick the strings of the guitar every dusk,
I still remember the whispering chilling wind frequently lift my hair at my forehead,
I love to throw pebbles on to people's roof top,
I am reminded the feeling of being chased by neighbor's dog,
Sparkling new pairs of white school shoes i enjoy seeing it wore on my vulnerable feet.
I still like the coffee brew by the Ah Pek three blocks across the street,
bitter coffee diluted with lots and lots of fresh milk and spoons of fine sugar.

Let me tell you a secret,
I remember when i was 15, the year when Papa always advice me to study well for the coming PMR.
As all we were, I didn't take the advice seriously. Is it true that it is a responsiblility of all father to talk to their sons and daughter that way when their are 15 ? Then I would not be one 'good father' as my Papa did to me.
Well, there is a girl living just far end of the street. I counted the distance between her house from my house, is about 452 steps strating from my ''Welcome'' mat to her red letter box.

I thought I knew it,
I thought I understand what is love,
Gladly I tell everyone including my parents about how I felt.
Seems like I just found the key to life,
so I always dream of her and I make a promise to her that I will married her one day.
She is my little princes and I am the prince who ride the white horse and lift her up up to the horse back and slowly ride towards dust.

Sharing my chocolates and Hack's sweets with her everyday, every after school.
Sitting together at the roof top chatting every topic we could find.

This is my teen age moments.
How about you?

Photographed by Neil Cheong

Scar on My Face

2009-03-09T07:46:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time…

I never even hang out with you about 2months..

I never even call you and have a chat..

I have been disappear for 90days..

You have missed call me for more than 90 over times..

And sending about 30over times SMSs..

Not even 1 i reply you..

I know,

I know you are very worried about me,

I know you are very depressed for me,

I know you are very disappointed about me,

I know every day you sit beside your bedroom window

and keeping wishing for my appearances

I know you came to my house and have a search for me,

I know you call to anybody who know me to find out where is my steps,

I know you rushing in and out in places that i often hang out,

And you leave a voice message:

dut……dut….dut

erm….Neil , where have you been?

i have a look at your house but no one is in it.

I’m your girl friend, Neil. Whats wrong with you?

I’m very worried about you…

..can..you…come..back…

(voice of crying in words)

..i..love..you..don't…leave..me.

(voice of crying in words)

..i..will..be waiting…for you…

(voice of crying in words)

crapt….dut..dut

(voice of hanging the phone down)

Yes, i heard your messages and have a look on it

but not replying it..

I just sold my house to others…

Its been the whole summer you never see me..

The day that you been waiting for is arrived,

I took a plane from England and have a ride to my old house

when a was there i saw you wondering at the park under the

pain tree…

feeding those gray birds alone…

i ran pass over the road and call your name:

Theressa! Theressa! Theressa?

Yes?

Is me Neil..

Neil!

(she hug me tightly and droplets of water rushing down from her eyes for a couple of minutes)

Where did you been ,Neil ?

(crying and talking)

England…

( i pull of her hands and chat with her, she used a weird eye sight and look and me)

Who is she ?

(she starring at the girl behind few steps from me)

She is a friend ,Theressa.

A girl friend ?

( she used a disappointed eyes and look at me)

….m’……….

(i didn’t answer that question and staring at the ants on the yellow brick road)

cpts.. cpts….papt!!

(she cry and slap me on the face with a diamond ring that i give her on her right hand)

You let me down, Neil !

( she shout at me loudly and ran across the road ; my face is bleeding ,a cut on my left cheek just under my eyes)

Her mirage disappears at the fog.That is the last sight i ever see her.

The next day, when i was going to have a apologize to her and explain what happened..

Good morning ,this is Tv4 news..

Many things happened on the 21st June..

Lets look at the local news..

Miami ,a girl found dead at Victoria Hotel in a room.

Its confirm that the girl was committed suicide by taking in overdose drug..

according her best friend Christine ,was committed suicide because of her boy friend

hidingher about 3 month of having a girl friend out side.

Jane, can you higher the volume ? I wonder Christine have plenty of best friend ?

(She louder the volume with a remote control)

The girl is identified by the Miami PD is named Theressa Lumberwood age.. 24….years…..

The jug of coffee on my hand fell down and broke on the floor, splashing coffee all over the floor.

That scar that always remind me that i lost my lover and i killed her…

The girl that i bring her back ,named Jane Joan is a scholar from England transfer to Havard University…

I love you too…….

Neil Cheong.

Photogaphed by Neil Cheong

Modeled by Micheal Cheong

Stop and Stare

2009-03-05T20:58:00.000-08:00

Time is worthless to me. Seems like today is a bad day to start. Apocalypse I felt.

Photographed by Neil Cheong

Modeled by Micheal Cheong

My War

2009-01-15T06:51:00.000-08:00

''Allah!''(Whispering alone with gasping breath)

''Allah...''(getting shallower)

Dub Doub... Dub Doub....(Sound of heartbeat)

(Following by voice of mother screaming and cries of infant)

I open my little eyes from the sudden shock.
Bright rays projected from a vast opening at my living room.
I take a deep breath. Shmm...harrr..(sound of a deep breath)
The air was concentrated. Concentrated with particles of concrete and dust.
I can feel the ground is shaking through my palms.

This is not right.
I turn my head and try to seek for my baby sister and my mother.
I start to panic when my sight is covered by a thick fog of dust.

''Mama...Mama...Ma..'' (screaming with tears)

''Suad! Suad!'' Answered by my mother.
The dust seems to be disappearing. I ran to my mom.
Mother is siting at the corner edge of the living room with Samar in her arms.
It is chaotic. All of us cried for fear.

I still remember past few minutes I am watching TV and mother is feeding Samar with porridge on the sofa.
Is this earthquake? Is this volcanic eruption?

It is 2 in the afternoon, the view of the Gaza City is able to seen through the opening at the wall.
Clouds of dark smoke rising from the supermarket I used to shopped with my family.
Echos of artillery, firing from them, bombardment mostly landed on residential area can be heard from miles away.
The suffer of children and women are all around the capital. They cries for freedom. Cry for Allah. Cry for hope. Is this the way they wanted? Is this fair to them? They too deserve to have a simple life like all of us.

Platelets raining down in the capital, destroying all building and infrastructure in their path. Innocence life aren't spare in this war. This is not a war for the civilians ; this is a war of jealousy, war of politics.

Hammas is searching for rights on their 'land' by starting this war with Israel.Is this the way to seek answer for unanswered issues from the past? Both sides are paying life to exchange back their rights.

This is a war.

This is a war of human.

This is a war for human territory rights.

This is a war for a piece of dirt?

We fought for believes.
We fought for rights to live.
We fought for power.
We fought for money.
We fought for freedom

Where is the 'me' in us?

Where is the 'pure me' ?

We are all hypnotize by our own desire.
Brain overtake mind.
No me in my mind.

Think again.

Additional note:
Suad Khaled Abed Rabbu (6)
Samar Khaled Abed Rabbu (2)
lost their life in the Gaza
War on 7-1-2009

Carmen

2008-12-16T20:03:00.000-08:00

Echos of her laughter,

Mirage of her shadows,

Flashback of her image,

Heat of her body warmth,

Sounds of her heartbeat,

Clearly displays in my mind every second.

Sounds of war drums and charging Barbarians from the hills surrounding the capital castle.
Fading of hope for the villagers and the kings.
Time of decision just the matters.
Not for long, life of the farmers and the women are spear.
My face is splattered by drop of blood.
Every seconds seems to be forever hunting my mind.

Is a hell of large boulder landing on my vulnerable heart.
Lights though my pupils start to fade.
I started to feel a sudden cold though out my senses.
Till now the image still hunted my mind.
I just can't erase it.
Her hand around his waist; his arm on her shoulder.
I notice every difference at the moment.
I remember the silhouette of them.
Things just came not right.
I do nothing to stop.
This is her will.

Whispers though my ears,

Beating bass of the music surround my ears,

Movement of wind though out my body,

Taste buds are numb,

I wanted to shout but i cant.
I turned away.
I lost my spirit and soul of hope of living.

Just like rose bud fallen of the flower, vanishing hope of beauty in me.

Carmen.